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The Roundtable: The Walk Of Shame

You can pick one song to take your 'walk of shame,' which song do you pick?

Everyone has taken a “walk of shame” in their life, and if they haven’t then they’ve certainly lied about doing so. So this week’s roundtable question is simple.  If you can only listen to one song on your “walk of shame” home, which song are you picking?

Amy Dittmeier - The messed up hair, the smell of alcohol permeating through your skin, that squint you do when you first set foot outside because the sun is just way too bright for this particular morning.  These, my friends, are just some of the few perks that come with participating with the walk of shame.  Whether you passed out with a bowl of Doritos on your friend's couch or you went home with that person that you thought was way cuter when "Don't Stop Believing" was blasting through the bar's speakers, we've all been there.

I throw two choices into the ring for my walk of shame soundtrack.  If I wake up slightly hungover from an eventful and entertaining night, I would love to stumble home to Kid Cudi's "Soundtrack 2 My Life."  Why wouldn't you want to walk home to a song that launches with the line, "I've got 99 problems, and they're all bitches?"  It's not the most uplifting song off of The Man on the Moon but when you're walking with a hangover, nothing is bright and shiny.

But for those bad nights that leave you in the morning with severe cotton mouth and bile in your throat, I have to go with my old "fuck the world" stand-by Trent Reznor.  An obvious choice would be "Hurt" or "Piggy," but I'd like to go with "Burn" from the Natural Born Killers soundtrack.  Reznor begins with the line "This world rejects me, this world threw me away" and comes to the conclusion with "this world's gonna have to pay."  Exactly how I feel when after making bad decision the night before - a lot of self-loathing and hatred for all things alcohol.

Andrew Scott - The nature of this question severely underestimates my sense of shame – or more accurately, lack thereof.  Not just this, but other factors must be taken into consideration: distance of aforementioned walk, why I’m up so early, and how successful said “hookup” was.  All things considered, this situation requires a little alteration before I can accurately predict what my mood would be in such a situation.

Assuming that I had a wonderful evening, was well fed and on my way by 8 a.m. with only have a few blocks to walk, only one song suffices.  That song being “We Are The Champions” by none other than Queen.  Naysayers might tell you that this song was written more than 10 years before I was born, or that Freddie Mercury wrote the song about sports or likeminded nonsense, but believe me when I assure you that this song was actually written exclusively for my personal “walk of shame.”  The lyrics are actually quite telling in this way; “I’ve had my share of sand kicked in my face,” I went to Florida last spring and did in fact have sand kicked in my face.  Furthermore, “I’ve paid my dues,” rent was due last week – guess who’s not getting evicted this month– that’s right, this guy.  Lastly, “No time for losers,” good grief, it’s like they tore a page out of my book of quirky retorts.   If all these staggering facts aren’t enough to convince you that this was written exclusively and unquestioningly for me, I don’t know what is. 

Ben Kessell - Now, If it's 6 in the ass-crack-o-dawn I've got a damn good reason to be up. Maybe I realized I just vomited all over her linens or, maybe  I just realized that she is a he. Either way I don't usually roll out of bed until many hours post-coitus. Thats why I'm posing this whole "I've got a really good reason," to be up thing. I'm going to want something that's going to shave the shame off my psyche with a rusty razor. What's going to happen is simple, as I'm always armed with the same kit. My crappy over-the-ear headphones are drawn from my ever-present man-purse and I quickly thumb my way through my iPod. Where do I land? Only the most abrasive music I own, Smut Peddlers, Cage & Mr. Eon's filthy attempt at a group record. Dripping with references to degrading casual sex and just about every intoxicant known to man, "Bottom Feeders" off Porn Again, will have my swagger back in no time. Head held up high, cussing loudly along with the music I make sure to make at least one morning Church-goer blush.

Posted by Wes Soltis on Nov 13, 2009 @ 9:00 am